Table of Contents - ASK with Crystal and Mark Victor Hansen
Dave Debeau [00:00:08] Hey, everyone, Dave Debeau with another episode of the Property Profits Real Estate podcast today with someone who might be a very familiar face, Mr. Mark Victor Hansen and his lovely wife, Crystal, who just brightens up the whole room. So, folks, great to have you here. And if you're not familiar with these fantastic people, you should be you definitely know you've definitely heard of some of Mark's books because he is the creator of the whole Chicken Soup for the Soul phenomenon that seems to have been around for a heck of a long time, that's for sure. And tons of different variations. And I believe half a billion copies sold started to compete with McDonald's for crying out loud with people.
Mark Victor Hansen [00:00:53] So it's OK to have golden arches over the book,
Dave Debeau [00:00:57] like Crystal, who is a very accomplished author and coach and nutritionist and and just a very sharp person in her own right with with business and different ventures. And what we're going to be talking about here today is their newest book. Appropriately called Ask So, folks, thank you very much for being on the call and I ask if you could make it and you made it. So here we are. So that's that's great stuff. So how did ask come to be? What is it what's the big picture behind the book?
Mark Victor Hansen [00:01:31] Well, we have been very blessed to travel to 80 countries around the world that great people that are nice, wonderful, well-educated, talented and sophisticated. But the difference between those who succeed a little and those who succeed a lot, we discovered is one thing and one only. And that is they have the ability to ask, which we now call becoming a master ask. And then we said, well, wait a second, if no one's ever written it this way, we are right to it. We wrote everything. We knew that we researched and discovered that it was true that we interviewed twenty six of the master experts and bingo, while it did it in, our publisher said, Oh, you guys are coming out with all the bookstores are closed. There's nothing that you want to talk about. We should be there. And so we've been doing these podcasts and you can't believe the wondrous reception that people are saying, oh, my God, I didn't know that. I needed to know how to ask myself afterwards and ask God, which is the fundamentals that we're teaching.
Dave Debeau [00:02:21] Yeah, well, that's that is fantastic. And I know you guys have been on a massive podcast tour from your home. That's that's how I heard about you. Our mutual friend Scott Carson interviewed you. I watched that. And and I definitely want to have you folks on on the show. So most of our viewers are real estate investors are focused on buying properties, investing in real estate. How do you see this skill set of asking the right way applying when it comes to real estate investments?
Crystal Hansen [00:02:57] Well, you know, we it's for real estate investors, but for everybody, I mean, real estate investors, any kind of sales. What are you doing with sales? You're asking, OK, it's all about asking when we cover so many areas in sales. But one of the things one of my favorite stories about sales in there was written by Cresson, which we interviewed twenty six people for the book, and he talks about beating out a giant behemoth. The strategy is when we go in to try to make a sale to somebody, we usually come in with this idea that I want to sell them this, I want to sell my product. I want whatever it is we want to sell to them. And it's kind of the opposite of what we need to be doing. The first thing, if you really want to create a bond with your clients, you need to use the art and science of asking by figuring out who they are and what they want. So he talks in the story about that very thing. They go into this big meeting and started presenting. They were a very small company. And this this giant mining company had already been approached by a giant behemoth. So the small company comes in and they really just got to know the client and started asking these questions. You know, what would it look like if all your problems were solved? What would it look like if things were 10 percent better? What are your biggest pain points? What bothers you? And they were scheduled for a half hour long meeting and the meeting ended up going almost two hours because some kind of magic happened there. And that's what happens in business. When we understand you're not there to sell, you're there to inquire. You're there to ask about this person with whom you want to have a relationship. And hopefully that relationship is going to culminate in a transaction that is so satisfactory to both of you that you just want to pop a battle of champagne after. Right. So the only way we do that is by asking the right questions, getting to know that person. And it's all a series of questions and really understanding the person who creates this incredible bond.
Mark Victor Hansen [00:05:03] So what I want to just mention is she was the top real estate salesperson, so I think we'd better ask her that story, too, if you go
Crystal Hansen [00:05:10] for a long time ago. But yeah, like Marc said, we say there are there are three channels through which to ask and each of them is equally important. That is, ask yourself, ask others and ask God and ask him yourself. Part is really important because that's the reflective journey. So often we're kind of going through our life, but it feels like we're sort of hurtling through space without direction. And I think a lot of people we're discovering that a lot of people are feeling that way right now. So that first part of the asking journey to ask yourself has never been more important. You know, you need to spend time with yourself in that reflective journey and the questions that come up in that space. Mark and I spend an hour every morning doing this prayer meditation time where we ask each other and ask the questions of ourselves. But the questions that come up that we say there are three main sets of questions and those are where am I right now? And all of the little some questions that would come under that. What's working, what's not working, what are the things I've noticed lately? What am I liking about it? What am I not liking? How are people responding? All of those questions. So, you know, where am I now? The second critical phase of questions is where do I want to be? I mean, a lot of us never really take the time to ask those questions. And they're so important because that sculpts the architecture for your future. So you get that clarity. Exactly what do you want to be going? Do you know what your goals are? Do you know how many sales do you want to make? Do you know the types of people you want to be talking to? You know, the results you want when you start asking those questions, where do you want to be in six months? Where do you want to be in a year and start defining that? And then the third sort of critical phase of that ask yourself part is what specific action do I need to take to get there once you've defined the second phase? So and you know, that works in in everything that can work. It is in the book we have like we address all the important parts of life, which are your career, your health and wellness, your personal relationships and also your life purpose, which is a big deal for people, because when we're not in touch with a bigger purpose, we find that people kind of lose hope and lose meaning.
Dave Debeau [00:07:26] Yeah, very, very well. So you guys, why do you think most of us suck at asking so much? Why is it so difficult for so many people?
Mark Victor Hansen [00:07:40] Berberich question perfect. We have several roadblocks that's asking. First one is a sense of unworthiness, right? It's a level of. And I'm going to tell you a real estate story about that just a second, we'll get a story to every one of them, of course, then the fear then that someone was a little bit of indecision, but excuse situs, which it's just about everybody once a while. And then when do we think that just wakes people out is their disconnection. But we had a guy in real estate that has done exceedingly well. I mean, this guy on two homes, seven motorcycles, two jets and wasn't feeling happy with himself. And his friend said, why, I don't feel good. And he said, What is your definition of happiness? He didn't have one. So the guy gave me a definition of happiness. And you've got to be passionately on purpose about what you want as a result of each every day. Like Crystal said, every day we wake up and pray, meditate together. But then we had him on the show and we were talking about unworthiness, my friend Bob Proctor. And also this guy said, wait, wait. I got to tell you, when I was in eighth grade, I was in eighth grade. I wanted to take the girl next door out, but my dad was called chubby. So I thought to be somebody I had to be chubby and I weighed like two hundred fifty pounds was not that tall a kid. Now he's being bullied, skinny and exercise every day, swims an hour a day, is just in great physical shape. But he said back then I was chubby and every night I told dad I wanted to take out this eighth grade girl from next door who I like so much. And the phone was red and fearful and it scared me. And he said I couldn't do it. I finally told my dad, Oh, she went with the football player. Later she told me she wanted to go with me and was so sad that I never invited her. And it was not only my sense of unworthiness, but the worst part of being out were the I lied to my own father, who I loved and trusted so much. So the sense of unworthiness, all of us have to overcome it. And if you don't have permission, ask Mark Crystal. And now, Dave, we're giving you full permission to start asking and be what we call a bold ask for.
Dave Debeau [00:09:41] All right, very good. So. For those of us who are not naturally bold askers yet, I think Crystal touched on it kind of different ways to get started, starting with asking ourselves these important questions and perhaps dialing in with a morning routine. But what are some other baby steps painfully shy people can take to start asking?
Crystal Hansen [00:10:06] Right. Part of it is the understanding why we feel that way, where it comes from, because honestly, what all of us were born as children to be the best askers in the world. Children are the best askers. First of all, they want to know everything. They're asking why, what, when, where, how. And they also want they ask for more, more, more, more. Right. They're not afraid to ask. None of us are afraid to ask when we're born. But through time, through parents and school and jobs and rejection, that ability to be a fearless actor gets crushed. And so we need to realize that we need to start looking inside and realize and look at those seven roadblocks that Mark was talking about, because we found every single person has at least one of those roadblocks, whether it's unworthiness, doubt, fear, naivete, where you just like we don't even know what's out there for you. So you're not serious enough to ever find out. Right. You lose that curiosity as a kid. All of us have some of those roadblocks. And when you open that door, when you start to look at those, that awareness is like a door opening. It's like, oh, wow, OK, now that I'm aware of that, I can do something about it. And it's really important to understand when we did the research on this book, when it comes to asking others, OK, people have this perception in all the studies done that if you ask someone something, either we ask them for help for something or information or advice, they're either going to perceive you as being pushy or obnoxious. If you're asking for something to get something out of them, or if you're asking for information that you're going to be perceived as being stupid, ignorant or uninformed. And the truth of it is none of those perceptions are accurate in the study. People don't feel that way at all. If you just ask someone, you're 80 percent likely to get your request granted, that's a high likelihood. So sometimes we just need to learn to kind of step on our feet or get that awareness of what the reality is. It's like people aren't aren't ready to reject you. And honestly, it is the way that people bond together. One of the things we talk about that was also present in the study is one study done by Harvard is that people who ask more questions are perceived to be more likable. And that's that is both in business relationships and personal romantic relationships. So if we get together when I'm if I'm the person who's asking you more questions about yourself, you know, because ultimately I want to be a realtor. So the first thing I want to I should do is ask questions about you. What are you about? What's your family like? You know, and get to know you get to know your pain points, get to know what drives you, because if you don't take the time to ask people questions, you'll never understand how to serve them. So those are really interesting studies. And then the other one on the dating said that the daters who ask more questions, who are more genuinely curious about the other person and really get those deep probing questions. Where I ask you a question, you give me an answer and I ask you a deeper question about the answer that you just gave me. So it's not a superficial exchange. Right. And you can't have these superficial exchanges and think we're going to create some kind of bond with our client or bond with the person that we want to go on this date. But daters who ask more questions, we're more likely to get a second date go make sense.
Dave Debeau [00:13:42] So what would be some suggestions? You know, I'm just thinking of somebody who's on the shy side or what have you. What would be some suggestions, some baby steps these folks could actually do to test the waters to see if it really is going to work for them.
Mark Victor Hansen [00:13:59] What they need to do is, first of all, interrogate themselves and ask themselves questions and then find somebody to bond with, somebody to practice with. Like if you and I are here, I say whatever the question is, no. The people you're dealing with are buying real estate or selling it or
Dave Debeau [00:14:15] the real real estate investors. Typically, they're buying properties and using them as revenue properties.
Mark Victor Hansen [00:14:21] Right. So if they're afraid of getting to know what would simulator's are, they ask you, can I buy your home? Right. And you're going to tell me no. And we do that fifty times. I'm pretty sure you say, hold it up. I'm not going to die. You said no to me fifty times. He's no different than somebody else. So what happens is you break all that stuff and it's, you know, and it takes a little bit of time. But, you know, everybody. We should have a mentor mentee relationship, and I suspect that's what you have a lot of people are watching here and everybody needs to do that because we all have our own threshold of fear through the seven roadblocks or fear that we've talked about. We said everyone has multiple of those and we just got to look them, confront them and make them disappear.
Dave Debeau [00:15:02] Very well said, if people are interested in finding out more about the book and perhaps grabbing a copy, which I would highly recommend, what should they do?
Mark Victor Hansen [00:15:11] I would ask you to go to areas like a Roberts or sold of the book and then your friend in our sky, that is not twice you said, look, you know, anyone that's depressed, despondent, disconsolate, upset or thinking you're suicidal by 10 books and give one to every one of those people, we thought, well, Scott, well, thank you. We didn't expect that. And then we want everyone to go to at the book club Dotcom and ask the book club becomes totally free starting in August, first of all, are going to create, we hope, the world's biggest book club. We think it's happening right now because you can't believe I'm going to go join it, reading it. We love it, but we want to create what we are going to call master asport. So everybody gets over their shyness, their inhibition, their lack of courageousness. They're introverted. This because, I mean, in our speaking business, the most introverted guy ever was. Executer he became the greatest speaker in America so that he would tell you, I'm totally inappropriate. I don't want to talk to you. And you go on stage, you're Mr. Flamboyant and Dinamo.
Crystal Hansen [00:16:13] Yeah. So go to Amazon.com for the book. And then after you get the book, join our book club. If you want to get into this discussion, we're going have a really cool book club discussion because we want people to really explore the asking journey. We're super excited about that.
Dave Debeau [00:16:27] Sounds wonderful. There you have it, you guys. Crystal, Mark, thank you very much. Lovely to meet you. And you do the best with your with your book.
Crystal Hansen [00:16:35] Thanks. Thank you very much for being here.
Dave Debeau [00:16:37] All right, everyone, take care. Talk to you the next episode. Bye bye. Well, hey there. Thanks for tuning into the property profits podcast. If you like this episode, that's great. Please go ahead and subscribe on iTunes. Give us a good review. That would be awesome. I appreciate that. And if you're looking to attract investors and raise capital for your deals, that may invite you to get a complimentary copy of my newest book. Right back there is the money partner formula. You've got a PDF version, an investor attraction book, dot com again, investor attraction book, dot com ticker.